Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
