Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
