so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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