You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
either way he was missing a nipple.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
