WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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