He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
bring money and cleavage
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
