i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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