Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
