I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
