Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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