I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
