you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
