I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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