They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
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We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
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you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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