i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
how drunk are you?
Several
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
