Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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