I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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