drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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