I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize