I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
