when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
