I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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