i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
