having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
