you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
