i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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