I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
