When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
