I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
