You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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