I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
