i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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