So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
