No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
