I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
