Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
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Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
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I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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