He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
