If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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