Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he thought i was a dude.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
