She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
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It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
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He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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