I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
