You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
