My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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