I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
