Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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