We won't sleep together?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My breasts were aching with rage.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
