My liver just broke up with me...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Farmville is her only friend.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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