What did we do last night that was yellow?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
