We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
