I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
