Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
