I can text with my tongue
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
