i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
my nose is crying tears of wow.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
