She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
