Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
