I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
