Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
