I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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