he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
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so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
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Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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