mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
