Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
