The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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