she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
