unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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