mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
