The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
