one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
