Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
