u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
