Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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