He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
